My Self Examination
by WiseGirl199620
Summary: This is basically a Sybil/Branson story. I got the idea off a Scrubs episode by the same name. Its what would happened if Branson made a mistake telling Sybil how he felt. It was sort of supposed to be funny, but it's rather serious. Please review. BTW its my first Downton Abbey story so don't be so critical on the dialogue please.


_Sybil beamed up at Branson. "Yes, my answer is that I'm ready to travel, and you're my ticket. To get away from this house, away from this life..."_

"_Me?" Branson asked confused looking down at her bright smile._

"_No. Uncle Tom Cobly."She snickered._

"_I'm sorry, but I've waited so long for those words, that I can't believe I'm hearing them. You won't mind burning your bridges?" _

"_Mind? Fetch me the matches! Yes, you can kiss me. But that is all until everything is settled," Sybil had a light in her eyes._

"_For now, God knows, it's enough that I can kiss you," Branson leant in and held her close._

_When he came up from the kiss, he looked down at her and beamed. "My entire future was in front of me and I gave it up for you." She leant her head on his chest. "Well Tom, you have me. You finally have me"_

_The only thing that ran through his mind… "OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT HER!"_

…

Tom had been lying wide awake since he had gone to bed late last night after realising that after years of pursuing Sybil and trying to make her give up everything for him, he found he didn't want her. His conversation with Sybil was running through his head over and over but it never got any better. She wanted him and was giving up everything for him. It was early in the morning and Tom was honestly considering handing in his resignation now and making a run for it. What was wrong with him? Sybil was beautiful, smart, political, and crazy about him. She was perfect on paper. Why was he having doubts now?!

He sat up and slowly got dressed. Staring at his reflection in the mirror Tom combed his hair and shaved to perfection. In the back of his mind he knew he probably would never do better than her. He wandered round tidying his cottage until he was finally sick of procrastinating; he made his way to the servant's hall. As he was walking toward the large building, he spotted Mathew Crawley walking his way. Panic set in when he feared that Sybil had already told her family about him. Mathew didn't look angry, in fact he looked positively cheerful. That may have had something to do with Lady Mary.

"Good morning Branson," Mathew called even though he was a fair few paces away.

"Good morning Mr. Crawley," Branson murmured.

"Are you alright you look a little strained," Mathew looked rather concerned as he stopped in front of Tom.

"I'm fine, sir," Branson smiled and went to continue walking then paused. "Sir, have you ever said something you regret and don't know how to get out of it?"

"That depends what you're talking about, I'm sure we've all been in a situation like that. What have you said?"

Branson tossed up for a moment whether to tell him. "It's rather sensitive. Would you keep this between us?"

"Of course"

"I told Lady Sybil I loved her"

"You told her what?"

"But that's not it. She wants to run away with me. The thing is, the moment she said she loved me, I realised I didn't love her and I don't know what to do," Branson gushed out.

"Well, do you think it's a case of wanting what you can't have and when you get it you no longer want it," Mathew said after a few moments of trying to get over his shock.

Branson paused. That would make a lot of sense. "But what am I to do?"

"I honestly don't think Lady Sybil would want to spend the rest of her life with a man who doesn't love her. You should break it to her gently."

"You won't tell anyone will you?" Tom asked quickly.

"No, I think Lady Sybil should hear all of it from you without rumours running round the house. But don't sit on it because the longer she believes it the more hurt she will be."

"Thank you, Mr Crawley," Branson smiled.

"That's alright…" Both men looked at each other for a few moments before heading on their way.

…..

"_Truth is, I'll stay in Downton until you want to run away with me," Branson informed her._

"_Don't be ridiculous," Sybil was trying to avoid his eyes._

"_You're too scared to admit it, but you're in love with me," Branson insisted._

…_.._

Branson was working on the car in the garage when he heard her exclaim, "Catch me stud!"

He only had a split second to straighten up and then to be knocked to the ground by the force of Sybil leaping in his arms. He found himself flat on his back staring at Sybil who was wearing a cheeky grin and was straddling his stomach. She quickly peeled herself off him and helped him up. He grunted a little getting up as he had hit his elbow on the way down. Sybil looked undeterred, but flushed red in the cheeks.

"You know, most men would have caught me. I _love_ that you didn't!" She laughed.

It was all Branson could do to not cringe. She was using _love_. Okay, he used it when he tried to convince her to be with him the first time but it still worried him how casually she had used it. Tom could feel nothing but panic. He had to tell her. Now.

"Milady, I need to talk to you…"

"Tom, you can call me Sybil. We can be informal especially since we're probably going to end up married soon. Which is actually why I wanted to talk to you. Granny and Isobel and Mathew are coming over tonight, I think they should know too, they are family. So if you come up after dinner we can tell them then… or perhaps during dinner." Sybil didn't give him a chance. "I'll see you tonight"

As quickly as she came, she left. Tom leant against the car feeling so lost. He finally came to a decision.

"I'm guessing you didn't tell her" Branson looked up to see Mathew standing in the doorway.

"You know, I was about to then I realised how I'll never do better than her. I think I'm just going to stick it out and marrying her." Branson replied.

"Because it's the most honourable thing to do." Mathew asked sarcastically.

"I'm never going to do better and I will make her happy. Maybe one day I'll wake up and be in love with her. I mean I hope I will" Tom reasoned.

"I'm sure Lady Sybil wants a man who _hopes_ he wakes up and falls in love with her." Sarcasm dripping from his voice again

"Did you need something Mr. Crawley?" Branson was irritated. Not with Mathew, but with himself. He just wished he had never said anything in the first place.

"I was wondering if you could give me a lift home and then pick me up for dinner tonight," Mathew was smiling.

"I'll be there," Branson said giving his words double meaning. He stood and grabbed his jacket.

"At the dinner?"

"Yes... Lady Sybil wants to tell the family." Branson opened the door for Mathew to get in the car.

"It will be an interesting dinner," Mathew said getting in.

….

Branson sat in the servant's hall quietly watching everyone buzzing around him. He was honestly just hoping to hide there until everyone had gone home or was in bed but no such luck. Carson approached him with a distasteful expression.

"Lady Sybil has requested you in the dining room, you are to go there promptly and then return, understood?" Carson instructed curtly.

"Of course Mr Carson," Branson was shaking the whole way up to the dining room. He stopped at the door, not having a clue what to do. A part of him thought about going to his cottage and hiding until it all blew over, but Lady Sybil had summoned him directly and he wasn't sure he could get away with ignoring it. So with much reluctance, he entered the dining room.

No one looked at him at first and continued to chatter but slowly, company started to realise the oddity of the chauffer in the dining room doing nothing more than standing there. There was silence in the dining room. Lord Grantham was first to query.

"Branson is there something we can do for you?" His voice had a note of impatience and irritation.

Tom opened his mouth to speak however Lady Sybil started first. "I called him here."

_Oh no _was all that went through Branson's head.

"Why would you do this?" Lord Grantham stared at his daughter as she got up from her seat and made her way over to Tom's side.

"We have something we would like to announce," Sybil said rather confidently.

Branson caught Mathew's eye. There was a warning in it. Act now or die painfully. Branson knew it would probably be from Lord Grantham's hand he would meet his end if Sybil continued to talk. It wasn't the best tactic but Tom said the first thing that came to mind and whispered it into Sybil's ear.

"I don't love you"

Sybil turned to face him. Her expression was one of confusion, but once she had realised what he had said her expression became blank. It was rather unnerving and he wasn't sure what to do next. He was very aware of their audience watching them with great interest.

"Please don't cry," Branson pleaded.

"Oh, I won't," Sybil whispered dangerously.

With surprising force she shoved him back resulting in him colliding with a table behind him which carried a large vase that broke as Branson collapsed. Sybil stormed from the room without so much as a glance at him, but that may have been to assure herself she had actually injured him. He had hit his back and head on the corner of the table and his hand had landed in the shards of pottery that littered the floor. People were rising to help him up. Branson knew for his own survival he had to be fast.

"Are you alright?" Lady Grantham asked, stunned by her daughters aggressive behaviour.

"Perfectly fine Milady. I'm terribly sorry. I should be getting back. I'll inform the maids to come clean up," And with that he nearly ran from the room.

As he passed the stair well he heard the echo of Lady Sybil's door slamming and the ghost of one of her sobs. He felt like a bastard for doing this to her. He was selfish and insensitive, and just because he didn't love her the way he thought he had, it didn't mean he didn't care for her. She was his friend. Emphasis on the _was_. Tom walked quickly to the servants hall where he informed the maids of the broken vase. Daisy was kind enough to help him clean up his bloody hands from where he landed on the vase because she had finished all the cooking. No one asked what had happened but gave him funny looks. Tom left soon after Daisy had finished on his hands.

He walked in the dark to his cottage and sat in there feeling guiltier with every passing minute. He had broken dear Sybil's heart as well as their friendship. He wondered if either would be repaired to its fullest extent. He was not hopeful for either.

….

"How are your hands?" Mathew asked sympathetically.

Branson had been having trouble gripping his tools to work on the car. It had been a few days since the awkward dinner and Branson had been careful to avoid the family. As far as he knew, Lady Sybil had told them she had found him a job and he had rejected it, leaving her offended. It was a poor excuse that had an over- reaction but it seemed to placate the family. This was the first time Mathew had visited him since then.

"On the mend, sir. Can I help you with anything?" Branson inquired.

"I just came to tell you there will be a business dinner for some of Robert's associates so you will most likely be running around all that day and night," Mathew smiled warmly.

"Thank you, sir," Branson stood there looking at him asking the silent question.

"She's getting better. Or she is putting on a braver face. You did the right thing. At least now she has a chance to marry someone she loves and not have to be disowned by her family."

Branson sighed. He honestly didn't know how to make it better. Mathew smiled at him.

"Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind," He murmured thoughtfully.

"I'll leave you to it then," Mathew walked out.

Tom sat down trying to find a way to make things better. He didn't have any grand ideas but he wouldn't give up that easily.

….

The night when all of Lord Grantham's were over, Branson found himself in possession of the keys to one of their cars.

"Son, don't give these back to me, I have a tendency to get pretty drunk at these sort of things and it wouldn't do if I ended up running over Lord Grantham's dog now would it?" Mr Kelso told Tom as he handed the keys to Tom.

Mr Kelso walked off to the dining room. Tom wandered in to get away from the cold when he spotted Sybil walking down the stairs. There was no one around so he thought he might do something charming.

"Lady Sybil," she looked up surprised. "Kelso gave me his car keys."

He went to throw the keys for her to catch but they hit her in the face.

"Ow! What are you doing?!" Sybil snapped, looking furious.

"I'm-I'm just trying to think of ways to make things right!" Branson stammered.

"Well, you can cross off keys in the face!" Sybil glared at him.

"Sorry, Milady. You and I are going be okay, right?" He asked.

"What do you think?"

Branson was quite for a moment. "Probably not..."

She started to walk away.

"You let me know when we are." He called to her.

"Don't hold your breath." He closed his eyes in defeat. Maybe this went too deeply to ever repair.


End file.
